You'd like a mentor, but asking someone to 'mentor me' can feel like asking for an undefined commitment. How often would you meet? What would they need to do? And what if they're already stretched?
The handbook recommends seeking experienced guidance early, through a formal program when one exists or through relationships you develop yourself. A specific, manageable request can make the first conversation easier for both of you.
Start by naming the question you need help with
You might need perspective on a research plan, teaching evidence, a service decision, or the local review process. Those needs aren't identical. An excellent research mentor may not know your institution's submission procedures, and a local colleague may not be the best reader for a specialized method.
It's reasonable to build several sources of guidance rather than asking one person to cover everything.
Check for a formal mentoring route
Ask whether your unit or institution offers a mentoring program and how it works. Clarify the purpose, expected meeting pattern, and any boundaries around evaluation or confidentiality. An assigned pairing still benefits from an early discussion about what would make the relationship useful.
Make a small first request
Try something like: 'I'm deciding how to organize my first-year research priorities. Would you have time for a short conversation about this one-page plan?' That tells the person what you're asking and gives them a way to judge the commitment.
Send materials only when appropriate and keep them proportionate. A focused page is easier to discuss than a whole dossier with no question attached.
Use the meeting well
Bring the decision, the relevant criteria or constraints, and the options you're considering. Ask for reasoning as well as a recommendation. Learning how someone weighs a tradeoff can help you handle the next decision more independently.
Take notes, clarify the next action, and thank them for their time.
Let the relationship develop deliberately
If the conversation helps, ask whether an occasional follow-up would be workable. Agree on a reasonable frequency and what you'll prepare. Follow through on the commitments you make and let the person know what you learned from their advice.
A mentoring relationship doesn't need to become a permanent standing meeting immediately. It can grow from useful exchanges and clear expectations.
Make it easy to say what kind of help is possible
The person you ask may have time for one conversation but not an ongoing commitment. They may also know someone whose experience fits your question better. Leave room for those answers. A smaller offer can still be useful, and a referral isn't necessarily a rejection.
Ask about boundaries before sharing sensitive material. A mentoring conversation isn't automatically confidential in the same way as a protected professional relationship. If the person also evaluates your work, clarify that role and choose what to discuss accordingly.
After a helpful exchange, a brief update can keep the connection grounded in actual progress: you revised the plan, clarified a requirement, or learned that a project needs a different scope. You don't have to follow every suggestion to show appreciation. Explain your reasoning where useful and keep responsibility for your own decisions. Mentoring works best when it supports your judgment rather than replacing it.
Choose one current decision and write a two-sentence request to someone whose experience fits it. Keep the ask specific. That's a manageable way to begin, even if the word 'mentorship' still feels bigger than the first conversation needs to be.
Adapted from The New Faculty Handbook by Zafer Unal, pp. 27-28.
